Role Reversal

How does it happen, you become the "parent" and the parent becomes the "child". Parents get older, slow down, can't do the things they use to do. Whether it is for just a short time due to an unexpected illness or as a permanent role due to a lengthly illness or just the natural progression of aging. It can sometimes be an UNcomfortable position to be in.  How do you tell a parent that they can't do something or go somewhere or that they need to ask for help with everyday living?

Our parents are supposed to be the strong ones, the ones we go to for advice and emotional support, a shoulder to cry on. We think they are always going to be there, our rock, our elders, the people we can always run home to no matter what. It is hard to see them as fragile or frail, we are now their rock, their emotional support and sometimes they come home to us.

Just last week my mother became ill, not seriously thank goodness, but she did require 6 days in the hospital. She has been on medication for a few years for a minor heart problem. She has always been very healthy, she excercises several days a week at the senior center and in the summer she loves to work in her yard and still is able to cut her own grass. And she works a couple of days a week sitting with another elderly lady. But last week, she wasn't feeling just right and decided to go to the ER. After tests were done, consultations with doctors, it was decided she would benefit from getting a pacemaker.  Needless to say, she wasn't crazy about the idea, she doesn't like the idea of being on a lot of medication and having something wrong with her. "It's no fun getting old" she says.

So I have spend the last 6 days running back and forth to the hospital, her house, my house, running errands, talking to doctors, helping her with whatever she needed help with in the hospital.  I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it just got me to thinking how the roles slowly start to reverse and you do it a little hesitantly at first, but then it just starts to seem natural. It's like your own motherly instinct comes on strong and you take charge. Caregiving is a hard, hard job, and sometimes a thankless job, but it is a job done with love.

My mom is 78yrs. old, not as strong as she used to be, but still going good for her age. But when the day does come that she is no longer with us, no matter how old I am at the time, I will still feel like an orphan. Here's to a long and healthy life Mom.


Kathy