How does it happen, you become the "parent" and the parent becomes the "child". Parents get older, slow down, can't do the things they use to do. Whether it is for just a short time due to an unexpected illness or as a permanent role due to a lengthly illness or just the natural progression of aging. It can sometimes be an UNcomfortable position to be in. How do you tell a parent that they can't do something or go somewhere or that they need to ask for help with everyday living?
Our parents are supposed to be the strong ones, the ones we go to for advice and emotional support, a shoulder to cry on. We think they are always going to be there, our rock, our elders, the people we can always run home to no matter what. It is hard to see them as fragile or frail, we are now their rock, their emotional support and sometimes they come home to us.
Just last week my mother became ill, not seriously thank goodness, but she did require 6 days in the hospital. She has been on medication for a few years for a minor heart problem. She has always been very healthy, she excercises several days a week at the senior center and in the summer she loves to work in her yard and still is able to cut her own grass. And she works a couple of days a week sitting with another elderly lady. But last week, she wasn't feeling just right and decided to go to the ER. After tests were done, consultations with doctors, it was decided she would benefit from getting a pacemaker. Needless to say, she wasn't crazy about the idea, she doesn't like the idea of being on a lot of medication and having something wrong with her. "It's no fun getting old" she says.
So I have spend the last 6 days running back and forth to the hospital, her house, my house, running errands, talking to doctors, helping her with whatever she needed help with in the hospital. I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it just got me to thinking how the roles slowly start to reverse and you do it a little hesitantly at first, but then it just starts to seem natural. It's like your own motherly instinct comes on strong and you take charge. Caregiving is a hard, hard job, and sometimes a thankless job, but it is a job done with love.
My mom is 78yrs. old, not as strong as she used to be, but still going good for her age. But when the day does come that she is no longer with us, no matter how old I am at the time, I will still feel like an orphan. Here's to a long and healthy life Mom.
Kathy
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Weighty Matters
I will never be skinny again like I was about 20 years ago. I have made my peace with that and I am OK with it. It would just be too much work and too hard to maintain. And basically, I don't really care to try.
But I am UNcomfortable in my own skin and I am realistic about the fact that I do need to lose about 40lbs. You know how people have body-image issues and they see themselves as much bigger than they really are? Well, I'm always thinking that I am smaller than I am and then when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window or a store mirror, I am always shocked back to reality. It's not a pretty picture.
I know there are some good weight loss programs out there, Weight Watchers in particular has a proven track record and they do emphasis healthy eating with everything in moderation. And there are other programs that I don't know a lot about, but particular celebrities tout them on TV and seem to have had good results. So there are a lot of options.
My biggest problem with programs like that is I don't want to count points, have special foods delivered to my home or never eat bread again. I have tried the WW program and had some success, but with counting the points and having to plan every morsel you put in your mouth, I felt like I was having to THINK about food ALL the time. I personally know people who have done really good on it, and you would think that as much as I like rountine it would be a good plan for me. But it's not. I actually like to be wild and crazy with my food choices, well, maybe spontaneous is more like it.
I don't like "diet" foods, they are usually filled with lots of sodium and too processed and the ingredient list looks like something from a chemistry lab. Also, I try never to eat artificial sweetners if I can help it. I personally don't think they are safe or healthy for you. I very seldom eat fast food, I like lots of fruits and veggies and I like to fix lots of homemade foods, cookies, cakes, breakfast muffins, bread, granola, pizza, etc. One of my favorite books is "In Defense Of Food" by Michael Pollan, about the food industry. His mantra is "if your grandmother doesn't recognize anything on the ingredient list, don't eat it". He also says, "eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants". That's why I try to stay away from a lot of processed foods like packaged diet foods. I know, of course, that you can still eat a lot of fresh foods, especially on the new WW points plan.
I think my biggest problem is portion control and lack of exercise. I really do try to eat healthy most of the time, of course I do have my moments of indulgence. A couple of years ago I read "French Women Don't Get Fat". It was about how a lot of French women and actually most European women don't have a weight problem. They ususally shop every couple of days for fresh ingredients for their meals. And mealtime is a celebration, they linger over meals, take their time and enjoy the experience and conversation with family and friends. They don't eat in their car like we tend to do. If they eat a decadent dessert, it is usually a small portion but it is of the highest quality with fresh, whole ingredients. And they walk a lot. Of course European cities are more compact and more "walkable" than here in the US where we are spread out and connected by expressways.
But my point is that I want to be more like that. I want to eat good food, smaller amounts and walk and maybe even bike more (of course, now being "carless" will help with that). I want to get more activity into my daily routine and of course more dancing. I want to learn portion control, but still be able to make a meal a good experience. When the farmer's markets open in the spring there will be so many good fruits and veggies to really enjoy. I am walking almost an hour a day now with the dog, but I need more activity. So this will be my challenge for the next few months. I would like to lose 20lbs by June l. I want it to be a slow process so the likely hood of maintaining will be better. It's about changing your life style not just go on a diet.
Wish me luck, I will keep you updated on my progress and my mistakes, which I'm sure there will be plenty of! I will share some of my favorite recipes and meal ideas with you all. I want to be comfortable in my skin again and be healthier also because I plan to live to be 100!!
Here's to the first 20!!!
Kathy
Kathy
But I am UNcomfortable in my own skin and I am realistic about the fact that I do need to lose about 40lbs. You know how people have body-image issues and they see themselves as much bigger than they really are? Well, I'm always thinking that I am smaller than I am and then when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window or a store mirror, I am always shocked back to reality. It's not a pretty picture.
I know there are some good weight loss programs out there, Weight Watchers in particular has a proven track record and they do emphasis healthy eating with everything in moderation. And there are other programs that I don't know a lot about, but particular celebrities tout them on TV and seem to have had good results. So there are a lot of options.
My biggest problem with programs like that is I don't want to count points, have special foods delivered to my home or never eat bread again. I have tried the WW program and had some success, but with counting the points and having to plan every morsel you put in your mouth, I felt like I was having to THINK about food ALL the time. I personally know people who have done really good on it, and you would think that as much as I like rountine it would be a good plan for me. But it's not. I actually like to be wild and crazy with my food choices, well, maybe spontaneous is more like it.
I don't like "diet" foods, they are usually filled with lots of sodium and too processed and the ingredient list looks like something from a chemistry lab. Also, I try never to eat artificial sweetners if I can help it. I personally don't think they are safe or healthy for you. I very seldom eat fast food, I like lots of fruits and veggies and I like to fix lots of homemade foods, cookies, cakes, breakfast muffins, bread, granola, pizza, etc. One of my favorite books is "In Defense Of Food" by Michael Pollan, about the food industry. His mantra is "if your grandmother doesn't recognize anything on the ingredient list, don't eat it". He also says, "eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants". That's why I try to stay away from a lot of processed foods like packaged diet foods. I know, of course, that you can still eat a lot of fresh foods, especially on the new WW points plan.
I think my biggest problem is portion control and lack of exercise. I really do try to eat healthy most of the time, of course I do have my moments of indulgence. A couple of years ago I read "French Women Don't Get Fat". It was about how a lot of French women and actually most European women don't have a weight problem. They ususally shop every couple of days for fresh ingredients for their meals. And mealtime is a celebration, they linger over meals, take their time and enjoy the experience and conversation with family and friends. They don't eat in their car like we tend to do. If they eat a decadent dessert, it is usually a small portion but it is of the highest quality with fresh, whole ingredients. And they walk a lot. Of course European cities are more compact and more "walkable" than here in the US where we are spread out and connected by expressways.
But my point is that I want to be more like that. I want to eat good food, smaller amounts and walk and maybe even bike more (of course, now being "carless" will help with that). I want to get more activity into my daily routine and of course more dancing. I want to learn portion control, but still be able to make a meal a good experience. When the farmer's markets open in the spring there will be so many good fruits and veggies to really enjoy. I am walking almost an hour a day now with the dog, but I need more activity. So this will be my challenge for the next few months. I would like to lose 20lbs by June l. I want it to be a slow process so the likely hood of maintaining will be better. It's about changing your life style not just go on a diet.
Wish me luck, I will keep you updated on my progress and my mistakes, which I'm sure there will be plenty of! I will share some of my favorite recipes and meal ideas with you all. I want to be comfortable in my skin again and be healthier also because I plan to live to be 100!!
Here's to the first 20!!!
Kathy
Kathy
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Exposed (tee hee)
Exposing myself, not literally (because nobody wants to see that !) is what my blog is all about. Exposing my wants, needs, foibles, failings, regrets, hopes, yearnings, beliefs, dreams and lessons learned. Opening yourself up and peeling back the layers is an UNcomfortable endeavor. I am hoping to learn new things about myself and deal with any regrets and mistakes I have made in the past and probably will make in the furture. I heard a talk radio host that I listen to today make a remark that I really like and kind of fits in my life......"If you can't be a good example you can be a stern warning".
It's funny, you assume that all your close friends know everything about you. I went out with one of my girlfriends the other night to listen to a really good, local, blues band (and yes, I got up and danced) and she told me that until she read my post about being impatient, she had never known that about me. I was totally surprised, I really don't think I hide my lack of patience very well. Maybe I am able to keep it under control when I am with people I care about. Do I show it more with strangers? That's possible. I don't think it's a concious decision that I make. It makes me wonder what else my friends and family don't know about me that I think they do know, hmmm. Of course there will always be things that will remain private or only a few people will know. I realize that sometimes I am kind of tightly wound (to say the least) so does that enable me to compartmentalize and show different people different parts of me? That really has me curious. I'm going to have to think about that.
Ok then, on a lighter note, I have been thinking a lot lately about writing a short story. I've never done anything like that before, but for quite a few years now I've felt like I needed to "write". But it seems that since I have started writing this blog that ideas are always swirling around in my head. I even carry a little notebook to jot down ideas. I haven't really fleshed out the whole idea for a short story but a few lines just popped in my head today and I will go from there.
Here's what I have so far......
"She was dressed from head to toe in all red. A bold statement for someone almost 6ft. tall and even taller in stilettos. Her long hair hung like silk down her back. All the women in the room sat up straighter and the men, well, the men were on the edge of their seats."
Hopefully, more to follow soon.
Kathy
It's funny, you assume that all your close friends know everything about you. I went out with one of my girlfriends the other night to listen to a really good, local, blues band (and yes, I got up and danced) and she told me that until she read my post about being impatient, she had never known that about me. I was totally surprised, I really don't think I hide my lack of patience very well. Maybe I am able to keep it under control when I am with people I care about. Do I show it more with strangers? That's possible. I don't think it's a concious decision that I make. It makes me wonder what else my friends and family don't know about me that I think they do know, hmmm. Of course there will always be things that will remain private or only a few people will know. I realize that sometimes I am kind of tightly wound (to say the least) so does that enable me to compartmentalize and show different people different parts of me? That really has me curious. I'm going to have to think about that.
Ok then, on a lighter note, I have been thinking a lot lately about writing a short story. I've never done anything like that before, but for quite a few years now I've felt like I needed to "write". But it seems that since I have started writing this blog that ideas are always swirling around in my head. I even carry a little notebook to jot down ideas. I haven't really fleshed out the whole idea for a short story but a few lines just popped in my head today and I will go from there.
Here's what I have so far......
"She was dressed from head to toe in all red. A bold statement for someone almost 6ft. tall and even taller in stilettos. Her long hair hung like silk down her back. All the women in the room sat up straighter and the men, well, the men were on the edge of their seats."
Hopefully, more to follow soon.
Kathy
Sunday, February 19, 2012
To Car or Not To Car
My car has finally bit the dust. It has been on hospice for almost a year now so I guess I should consider my self lucky. This is not new to me, I have been "carless" more than once in my life, so it doesn't make me particularly UNCOMFORTABLE. But it does make certain aspects of life a little more challenging. Luckily I live in an urban area, and I can walk to work in about 20 minutes (good exercise), but right now while it is still dark in the morning when I leave I have been getting a ride. I also live within walking distance of the grocery, bank, a restaurant or two, and more importantly a wine shop!!
Since it will probably be several months before I can get another car, I have been thinking about getting a bike. I want one of those "cruiser" bikes. The ones with the wider tires, handlebars that aren't bent over and they have a old fashioned, bigger seat. I even think I would like to ride a bike to work even after I get another car. My biggest problem with not having a car is the mass transit system in this city is not always good, especially weekends when buses only run every couple of hours and some routes not at all. Of course, there are always taxicabs, and I don't have a problem taking a taxi every now and them.
I have often thought that I should be living in New York City, where most people don't have cars. People mostly walk, subways, taxis, it seems that it is pretty easy to get around that city with no car. Now that is my kind of town! I really have never been a big fan of driving, don't get my wrong, I like driving but I have been in half a dozen wrecks in my time, none of them my fault, where I have been rear ended or someone else has run a stop sign. Luckily, the worst injury has been whiplash along with a couple of cars that have been totaled. I don't drive on the expressway because that just makes me too nervous, the semis and the speed. Now I'll ride with someone else, but I won't drive it. I once saw an interview with J.K.Rowling that Oprah did and she said that she won't drive, that it scares her, that she finds alternatives and of course she can afford to hire a car. But I thought at the time, YAY, we are sisters at heart, if J.K.Rowling can admit that she doesn't drive because she doesn't like it, then I don't feel so bad. Driving doesn't scare me or make me nervous, but sometimes I wonder if all those accidents were omens, hmmm.
But eventually I will get another car and I will be driving again. Driving does give you a sense of freedom to come and go as you like, but you won't see me on the expressway!!
To set the record straight, I am a good driver, never a ticket (well, one, for a loud muffler), none of the accidents were my fault, I just don't like a lot of traffic and a lot of speed.
Although.........maybe that is one of the things that I should force myself to do because that is definitely NOT in my comfort zone.
Kathy
Since it will probably be several months before I can get another car, I have been thinking about getting a bike. I want one of those "cruiser" bikes. The ones with the wider tires, handlebars that aren't bent over and they have a old fashioned, bigger seat. I even think I would like to ride a bike to work even after I get another car. My biggest problem with not having a car is the mass transit system in this city is not always good, especially weekends when buses only run every couple of hours and some routes not at all. Of course, there are always taxicabs, and I don't have a problem taking a taxi every now and them.
I have often thought that I should be living in New York City, where most people don't have cars. People mostly walk, subways, taxis, it seems that it is pretty easy to get around that city with no car. Now that is my kind of town! I really have never been a big fan of driving, don't get my wrong, I like driving but I have been in half a dozen wrecks in my time, none of them my fault, where I have been rear ended or someone else has run a stop sign. Luckily, the worst injury has been whiplash along with a couple of cars that have been totaled. I don't drive on the expressway because that just makes me too nervous, the semis and the speed. Now I'll ride with someone else, but I won't drive it. I once saw an interview with J.K.Rowling that Oprah did and she said that she won't drive, that it scares her, that she finds alternatives and of course she can afford to hire a car. But I thought at the time, YAY, we are sisters at heart, if J.K.Rowling can admit that she doesn't drive because she doesn't like it, then I don't feel so bad. Driving doesn't scare me or make me nervous, but sometimes I wonder if all those accidents were omens, hmmm.
But eventually I will get another car and I will be driving again. Driving does give you a sense of freedom to come and go as you like, but you won't see me on the expressway!!
To set the record straight, I am a good driver, never a ticket (well, one, for a loud muffler), none of the accidents were my fault, I just don't like a lot of traffic and a lot of speed.
Although.........maybe that is one of the things that I should force myself to do because that is definitely NOT in my comfort zone.
Kathy
Thursday, February 16, 2012
5 Things.....
5 Things I Use To Be Able To Do.......
1. Run, not like the wind, but I could run around the bases for my softball team, I could run down the street and I could even run around the track for exercise. Now, not so much. I guess if I really forced it I could but I don't really care to. I might run if someone were chasing me.....with a gun.....maybe, or I may just walk really, really fast.
2. I use to be able to stay skinny without much effort. I am not skinny anymore and it takes a lot more effort to lose extra weight.
3. Back in the day I could stay out and party til 4am, go home and sleep a few hours, go to work and go out and do it all over again the next night. When I go out now, I still have fun, but I want to be home by 11 or 11:30, watch the news and go to bed and I wouldn't be able to do it again for a while.
4. I use to smoke, thankfully I smoked only for a year or so and I got tired of smelling like smoke. To be honest, my favorite things about smoking were the sound that my lady zippo lighter made when I flicked it open and when a man offered me a light and how I would touch his hand to steady the light while I leaned over and lit my cigarette.
5. I use to be able to guzzle a beer like nobody's business. Now I savor my adult beverages in a ladylike manner.
Stay tuned for more 5 Things....
Kathy
1. Run, not like the wind, but I could run around the bases for my softball team, I could run down the street and I could even run around the track for exercise. Now, not so much. I guess if I really forced it I could but I don't really care to. I might run if someone were chasing me.....with a gun.....maybe, or I may just walk really, really fast.
2. I use to be able to stay skinny without much effort. I am not skinny anymore and it takes a lot more effort to lose extra weight.
3. Back in the day I could stay out and party til 4am, go home and sleep a few hours, go to work and go out and do it all over again the next night. When I go out now, I still have fun, but I want to be home by 11 or 11:30, watch the news and go to bed and I wouldn't be able to do it again for a while.
4. I use to smoke, thankfully I smoked only for a year or so and I got tired of smelling like smoke. To be honest, my favorite things about smoking were the sound that my lady zippo lighter made when I flicked it open and when a man offered me a light and how I would touch his hand to steady the light while I leaned over and lit my cigarette.
5. I use to be able to guzzle a beer like nobody's business. Now I savor my adult beverages in a ladylike manner.
Stay tuned for more 5 Things....
Kathy
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Goodbye Ol' Friend
People move in and out of your life, you move in and out of others lives. I have friends that I haven't seen in a long time, friends that I have reconnected with recently and friends that I have known for a long time but our lives have moved in different directions but I am lucky enough to see them on occassion and catch up.
One such friend I have known for more than half my life, along with his wife, his brother and sisters and all their kids. We used to have the best times, poker parties, superbowl and New Year's Eve parties. We all played volleyball together every Sunday for years. We would all get together and go to the track, baseball games, play horseshoes.....in other words, we had some really good times. But as it so often does, time passes, divorces, remarriages, new jobs, life sometimes gets in the way. I had kind of lost touch, I was in a long term relationship, we had a child, they were all busy with their lives, but I have to say they were some of the most special friends I have ever had (and have).
My friend is dying. He has an incurable genetic disease that progressively get worse and has been sick for about 10yrs now. He is being helped along by hospice now and he has been in a nursing facility for a year or so because his wife wasn't able to care for him by herself. He is in the prime of his life, he shouldn't be dying, he is funny and liked have a good time, he would be the first to offer a helping hand if you needed it, his family is very important to him. He shouldn't be dying. He likes to dip you when he dances, he likes to play charades. He shouldn't be dying.......but he is.
What I don't understand is that he has some old friends that he hasn't seen since he has been sick, they say they want to remember him as he was, not like he is now. They are UNCOMFORTABLE, they don't know what to say. I don't understand that, I have visited with him and his wife off and on over the last several years and you accept the situation and just be there for your friend. I think it is sad, not only for my friend but also for the people who are too uncomfortable even though they have known him for a long time. It's not about you, it's about him. Why are you uncomfortable, you're not the one dying. It will be your loss and I feel sorry for you.
My friend is dying, probably in a matter of a few weeks and I will miss him and I am greatful that I could call him my friend.
Kathy
One such friend I have known for more than half my life, along with his wife, his brother and sisters and all their kids. We used to have the best times, poker parties, superbowl and New Year's Eve parties. We all played volleyball together every Sunday for years. We would all get together and go to the track, baseball games, play horseshoes.....in other words, we had some really good times. But as it so often does, time passes, divorces, remarriages, new jobs, life sometimes gets in the way. I had kind of lost touch, I was in a long term relationship, we had a child, they were all busy with their lives, but I have to say they were some of the most special friends I have ever had (and have).
My friend is dying. He has an incurable genetic disease that progressively get worse and has been sick for about 10yrs now. He is being helped along by hospice now and he has been in a nursing facility for a year or so because his wife wasn't able to care for him by herself. He is in the prime of his life, he shouldn't be dying, he is funny and liked have a good time, he would be the first to offer a helping hand if you needed it, his family is very important to him. He shouldn't be dying. He likes to dip you when he dances, he likes to play charades. He shouldn't be dying.......but he is.
What I don't understand is that he has some old friends that he hasn't seen since he has been sick, they say they want to remember him as he was, not like he is now. They are UNCOMFORTABLE, they don't know what to say. I don't understand that, I have visited with him and his wife off and on over the last several years and you accept the situation and just be there for your friend. I think it is sad, not only for my friend but also for the people who are too uncomfortable even though they have known him for a long time. It's not about you, it's about him. Why are you uncomfortable, you're not the one dying. It will be your loss and I feel sorry for you.
My friend is dying, probably in a matter of a few weeks and I will miss him and I am greatful that I could call him my friend.
Kathy
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun!!
I want to live with reckless abandon......well, not everyday...just one weekend...ok, just one day out of the weekend once a month or so. I do not have enough fun in my life. Maybe I don't know how to relax. If I am not doing anything one day and decide to sit and read or just watch movies all day, after a couple of hours I get restless, I should be up doing something, cleaning, cooking dinner, washing clothes etc., etc., etc. And as I have mentioned before I am not a spur of the moment type of gal.
They say that anorexic's control what they eat because they feel they have no control over the rest of their lives and food is something they can control. I like order and routine. As a single parent I have to be in control over everything, there is no one to "hand the ball off to". Even when my son's father and I were together, up until my son was about 8yrs old., I always had to be in control. He developed addiction problems, so I was always the only adult in the household. I had to be the designated driver, the keeper of the finances, I had to be the buffer. I had to be in charge, I had to be the parent. I guess I still feel that way, if I let go everything will fall apart. Now logically I know that wouldn't happen, but emotionally, that's another story.
Sometimes I just want to let go, lean on someone else's shoulder, let them take the load for just a day. And it's not just the big things, it's the little things. It's hard being the mother and father. Talking to my son about the facts of life, teaching him to drive, teaching him to tie a tie, giving him advice before a prom date. My son's father and I are still friends but he still has his issues so he can't really be a proper father to him.
And it's not just issues with being a parent. I want to be able to realize that if I don't straighten up the house one day, or the laundry's not done, or the dog poop's not picked up in the yard, it will still be there tomorrow and it can be done then. The world will not end if the beds aren't made or nothing is thawed out for dinner or the floors haven't been vacuumed.
So my goal is to live with reckless abandon every now and then for a day.......or at least an afternoon. I'm getting a list together. No, no, no.....no lists, just do it on the fly. Oh Lord, I'm already nervous thinking about it. :-)
Here's to change......Kathy
They say that anorexic's control what they eat because they feel they have no control over the rest of their lives and food is something they can control. I like order and routine. As a single parent I have to be in control over everything, there is no one to "hand the ball off to". Even when my son's father and I were together, up until my son was about 8yrs old., I always had to be in control. He developed addiction problems, so I was always the only adult in the household. I had to be the designated driver, the keeper of the finances, I had to be the buffer. I had to be in charge, I had to be the parent. I guess I still feel that way, if I let go everything will fall apart. Now logically I know that wouldn't happen, but emotionally, that's another story.
Sometimes I just want to let go, lean on someone else's shoulder, let them take the load for just a day. And it's not just the big things, it's the little things. It's hard being the mother and father. Talking to my son about the facts of life, teaching him to drive, teaching him to tie a tie, giving him advice before a prom date. My son's father and I are still friends but he still has his issues so he can't really be a proper father to him.
And it's not just issues with being a parent. I want to be able to realize that if I don't straighten up the house one day, or the laundry's not done, or the dog poop's not picked up in the yard, it will still be there tomorrow and it can be done then. The world will not end if the beds aren't made or nothing is thawed out for dinner or the floors haven't been vacuumed.
So my goal is to live with reckless abandon every now and then for a day.......or at least an afternoon. I'm getting a list together. No, no, no.....no lists, just do it on the fly. Oh Lord, I'm already nervous thinking about it. :-)
Here's to change......Kathy
Friday, February 10, 2012
Where Are The 100W ??
I am pretty environmentally concious. Save the rainforest....recycle, reuse...eat local...turn off the lights when you leave room...unplug chargers when not in use. I don't mind walking to places that are close instead of driving. I set my thermostat low in the winter and high in the summer, so see, I do care very much about our planet earth.
But apparently I have been living in a bubble and have no idea what is happening. A couple of weeks ago I was grocery shopping and needed some light bulbs, 100 watt bulbs to be specific. The store was out of them, so I went to another store later in the day and they were out of them also, odd I thought. A few days later I was at the drugstore for something else so I decided to look for my bulbs. No 100 watt, none....zero...zip...nada. They had 40, 60, 75, but no 100, how am I supposed to read without a 100 watt bulb? What really tipped me off that something was going on was that today I was at Target and decided to check out the bulbs.....SURPRISE, no 100w. I stopped at two more stores on the way home and guess what, they didn't have them either. I asked a salesperson at Target and they shrugged their shoulders and didn't know anything about it, at another store I waited at the service desk because I was going to get to the bottom of this. I waited and waited, no one came out so I went home. I beginning to think I am in the twilight zone. HAVE THEY STOPPED MAKING 100 WATT BULBS? Why have I not heard about this, read it in the paper or seen it on the news? What kind of bubble have I been living in that this information has not made it's way to me? Reading will never be the same again.
I know what you're thinking....Kathy, if you are so environmentally concious why aren't you using CFL bulbs? BECAUSE I HATE THEM. That's why. I have gotten some in the mail, free, from our local power company. I used one in my front porch light. It lasted 2 days and when I took it out I was so nervous that I might drop it or break it and leak mercury everywhere. Not long after that I saw an episode of The Doctors, the TV show about medical issues, not the soap opera, and they were talking about how to clean up dropped CFL light bulb. It involves gloves, plastic bags, don't touch the bulb, don't sweep it up, use duct tape to pick up the pieces, don't breath it in, throw gloves and all away, double bag........yada..yada..yada....in others words it is a hazmat situation. I have also heard stories, secondhand, about articles discussing how the workers who make these bulbs are being exposed to large amounts of mercury. I haven't persoanally read these articles, so obviously I am not in that loop either.
I want my 100 watts back, I promise I will cut back in other ways.....pleeeaaaassee.
Is there a blackmarket for light bulbs? This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable.
"Sigh"........Kathy
But apparently I have been living in a bubble and have no idea what is happening. A couple of weeks ago I was grocery shopping and needed some light bulbs, 100 watt bulbs to be specific. The store was out of them, so I went to another store later in the day and they were out of them also, odd I thought. A few days later I was at the drugstore for something else so I decided to look for my bulbs. No 100 watt, none....zero...zip...nada. They had 40, 60, 75, but no 100, how am I supposed to read without a 100 watt bulb? What really tipped me off that something was going on was that today I was at Target and decided to check out the bulbs.....SURPRISE, no 100w. I stopped at two more stores on the way home and guess what, they didn't have them either. I asked a salesperson at Target and they shrugged their shoulders and didn't know anything about it, at another store I waited at the service desk because I was going to get to the bottom of this. I waited and waited, no one came out so I went home. I beginning to think I am in the twilight zone. HAVE THEY STOPPED MAKING 100 WATT BULBS? Why have I not heard about this, read it in the paper or seen it on the news? What kind of bubble have I been living in that this information has not made it's way to me? Reading will never be the same again.
I know what you're thinking....Kathy, if you are so environmentally concious why aren't you using CFL bulbs? BECAUSE I HATE THEM. That's why. I have gotten some in the mail, free, from our local power company. I used one in my front porch light. It lasted 2 days and when I took it out I was so nervous that I might drop it or break it and leak mercury everywhere. Not long after that I saw an episode of The Doctors, the TV show about medical issues, not the soap opera, and they were talking about how to clean up dropped CFL light bulb. It involves gloves, plastic bags, don't touch the bulb, don't sweep it up, use duct tape to pick up the pieces, don't breath it in, throw gloves and all away, double bag........yada..yada..yada....in others words it is a hazmat situation. I have also heard stories, secondhand, about articles discussing how the workers who make these bulbs are being exposed to large amounts of mercury. I haven't persoanally read these articles, so obviously I am not in that loop either.
I want my 100 watts back, I promise I will cut back in other ways.....pleeeaaaassee.
Is there a blackmarket for light bulbs? This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable.
"Sigh"........Kathy
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Hello "Lovah"....a Haiku
Your Silent Humming
Making All My Dreams Come True
Now It's Up To Me
Shiney, Bright and Cool
Bread, Biscuits and Sweets
Weight Watchers, Forget It
But It's All A Dream
That's all I have to say......for now......maybe
Kathy
Making All My Dreams Come True
Now It's Up To Me
Shiney, Bright and Cool
Like An October Morning
Now Let's Make Cookies
Butter, Sugar and Eggs
Be Still My Beating Heart
Smell That Baking Bread
Bread, Biscuits and Sweets
Weight Watchers, Forget It
But It's All A Dream
That's all I have to say......for now......maybe
Kathy
Monday, February 6, 2012
Virtue....or lack thereof = shame
Patience is a virtue, unfortunately I do not possess it. I have never possessed it. It is something that I constantly have to be aware of and work on. Remember years ago when they used to show people in Russia and some of the other eastern European countries lining up to get loaves of bread or a small piece of meat or vegetables and the lines would be blocks long, in the cold and they would wait for hours. I always thought if that was me, my head would literally explode from impatience.
I got to thinking about my lack of patience this morning at work, when nothing seemed to be going right, or at least the way I wanted them to go, everything was taking sooo long to get done, my head was hurting. The more impatient I was getting the more time the work seemed to take and I just knew it was a conspiracy against me. While at work I usually listen to talk radio, one..because I like this particular woman's show..and two..it's a concrete building and you can only get a few stations, and they were doing a segment on panhandlers. Comments ranged from ignore them to buy them food (coffee, gas, bus ticket) instead of giving money which, unfortunately, is usually not used for the reason given. I have given money to panhandlers before, not much, a dollar or some spare change but I have stopped doing that because I usually don't believe them or I am a little frightened by them (I have watched too many Criminal Minds). The hostess of the show thought along the same lines as I did, but did say that she has helped when she has seen someone who is short a few dollars in front her in the checkout line or doesn't have enough change for the parking meter etc. Now I think of myself as a good person, I have, in the past, found wallets laying in the street, picked it up and called the owner and never once did it cross my mind to take what was in it. I have seen people unaware that they have dropped money and alerted them, I've let people in front of me in line use my store rewards card so they could get the sale price because they forgot got their card. Good person....right?
Now comes my shame....which I was reminded of while listening to the radio show today and it's all because of my impatience. Last summer I was in the checkout lane at the grocery and I had a lot of groceries. In front of me was a 40ish woman in a wheelchair and she had 7 or 8 items she was buying. She handed the cashier her EBT (foodstamp) card and when the cashier swiped it she was short about $4. As she fumbled in her purse looking for some money all I could think of was OMG how long was this going to take. She couldn't find any money but said she had a check she could writte. As she again fumbled in her purse I could feel my impatience rising. Finally, she found the check, s..l..o..w..l..y wrote it out but for some reason it wouldn't go through. I thought my eyeballs where going to shoot right out of my head, after all my ice cream was going to melt if she didn't hurry up, for the love of god. She tried to write another check, still not going through. Now at this point it did cross my mind to just give her the $4 dollars but my impatience was getting so bad I know I was sighing loudly, rolling my eyes and thinking I have so much to do, please just hurry up. Finally after about 15 minutes she ended up putting something back, she apologized to the cashier and then it took her forever to get everything together and move on. This whole time I could just see her from behind, but as she was leaving (she had a motorized wheelchair) I realized she had cerebral palsy. I can say that I have NEVER been so ashamed of myself as I was at that moment. To this day when I think about it I still feel that same level of shame as I did then. Because of my lack of patience I didn't even consider helping her out with the lousy $4. I was too wrapped up in how she was putting me out, making me late and making me have to wait. It was $4 and I couldn't see beyond my impatience to even notice what her problems were.
Since that day I have made an effort, not always successfully, to have more patience, to be more aware of the problems the people around me are dealing with. It is a work in progress, it's uncomfortable, but I was so ashamed of myself that day and I don't want to ever feel that way again.
Kathy
I got to thinking about my lack of patience this morning at work, when nothing seemed to be going right, or at least the way I wanted them to go, everything was taking sooo long to get done, my head was hurting. The more impatient I was getting the more time the work seemed to take and I just knew it was a conspiracy against me. While at work I usually listen to talk radio, one..because I like this particular woman's show..and two..it's a concrete building and you can only get a few stations, and they were doing a segment on panhandlers. Comments ranged from ignore them to buy them food (coffee, gas, bus ticket) instead of giving money which, unfortunately, is usually not used for the reason given. I have given money to panhandlers before, not much, a dollar or some spare change but I have stopped doing that because I usually don't believe them or I am a little frightened by them (I have watched too many Criminal Minds). The hostess of the show thought along the same lines as I did, but did say that she has helped when she has seen someone who is short a few dollars in front her in the checkout line or doesn't have enough change for the parking meter etc. Now I think of myself as a good person, I have, in the past, found wallets laying in the street, picked it up and called the owner and never once did it cross my mind to take what was in it. I have seen people unaware that they have dropped money and alerted them, I've let people in front of me in line use my store rewards card so they could get the sale price because they forgot got their card. Good person....right?
Now comes my shame....which I was reminded of while listening to the radio show today and it's all because of my impatience. Last summer I was in the checkout lane at the grocery and I had a lot of groceries. In front of me was a 40ish woman in a wheelchair and she had 7 or 8 items she was buying. She handed the cashier her EBT (foodstamp) card and when the cashier swiped it she was short about $4. As she fumbled in her purse looking for some money all I could think of was OMG how long was this going to take. She couldn't find any money but said she had a check she could writte. As she again fumbled in her purse I could feel my impatience rising. Finally, she found the check, s..l..o..w..l..y wrote it out but for some reason it wouldn't go through. I thought my eyeballs where going to shoot right out of my head, after all my ice cream was going to melt if she didn't hurry up, for the love of god. She tried to write another check, still not going through. Now at this point it did cross my mind to just give her the $4 dollars but my impatience was getting so bad I know I was sighing loudly, rolling my eyes and thinking I have so much to do, please just hurry up. Finally after about 15 minutes she ended up putting something back, she apologized to the cashier and then it took her forever to get everything together and move on. This whole time I could just see her from behind, but as she was leaving (she had a motorized wheelchair) I realized she had cerebral palsy. I can say that I have NEVER been so ashamed of myself as I was at that moment. To this day when I think about it I still feel that same level of shame as I did then. Because of my lack of patience I didn't even consider helping her out with the lousy $4. I was too wrapped up in how she was putting me out, making me late and making me have to wait. It was $4 and I couldn't see beyond my impatience to even notice what her problems were.
Since that day I have made an effort, not always successfully, to have more patience, to be more aware of the problems the people around me are dealing with. It is a work in progress, it's uncomfortable, but I was so ashamed of myself that day and I don't want to ever feel that way again.
Kathy
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Now This Is Comfort
What to do on a rainy, cold Saturday? No plans, no extra money for shopping, hmmmmm...... so I cooked. I kind of fancy myself somewhat of a "foodie", not the kind of "foodie" like Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain. I'm not eating neon colored food from Vietnam or whole, fried birds like they have been know to do. I am a "foodie" in that I like to make homemade food, try new recipes, eat more local, fresh foods. I very rarely eat fast food and I am somewhat picky about what goes into my food. But don't get me wrong, I do like to eat out every now and then, and I have actually gotten to like shrimp and scallops in the past couple of years. It took me a long time to try them, but when I did and they were cooked right, they were soooo good.
But I digress. This IS my comfort zone. I like to take a day like this every so often and cook and bake all day while watching either the SyFy channel or NCIS marathon. No judgements, that is what I like to watch while I cook. Today I fixed homemade cornbread.....chocolate pudding......pizza dough.....tomato soup....and cinnamon kuchen, and I truly enjoyed myself and I have a stocked freezer. (Well, I didn't freeze the pudding).
I also fixed some homemade dog food. Ever since the dog food scare a few years ago, I have been making dog food. I still buy dry food to make sure she gets all the nutrients that she needs, and I usually give her a cup of dry along with a cup of the homemade food. I'll brown some ground turkey, chicken or beef and then add some frozen veggies, brown rice, eggs and/or leafy greens. Sometimes I fix chicken livers for her, that's one of her favorites. I feel like this food is better for her and she still gets what she needs from the dry food.
My favorite cookbooks right now are The Pioneer Woman Cooks, by Ree Drummond and Mad Hungry by Lucinda Scala Quinn. The recipes are simple, easy to follow, hearty food. I hope to someday come up with some original recipes of my own.
This has been a very good day, and I was totally in my comfort zone. Next week maybe I'll go shopping....a girl never has too many shoes!!!
But I digress. This IS my comfort zone. I like to take a day like this every so often and cook and bake all day while watching either the SyFy channel or NCIS marathon. No judgements, that is what I like to watch while I cook. Today I fixed homemade cornbread.....chocolate pudding......pizza dough.....tomato soup....and cinnamon kuchen, and I truly enjoyed myself and I have a stocked freezer. (Well, I didn't freeze the pudding).
I also fixed some homemade dog food. Ever since the dog food scare a few years ago, I have been making dog food. I still buy dry food to make sure she gets all the nutrients that she needs, and I usually give her a cup of dry along with a cup of the homemade food. I'll brown some ground turkey, chicken or beef and then add some frozen veggies, brown rice, eggs and/or leafy greens. Sometimes I fix chicken livers for her, that's one of her favorites. I feel like this food is better for her and she still gets what she needs from the dry food.
My favorite cookbooks right now are The Pioneer Woman Cooks, by Ree Drummond and Mad Hungry by Lucinda Scala Quinn. The recipes are simple, easy to follow, hearty food. I hope to someday come up with some original recipes of my own.
This has been a very good day, and I was totally in my comfort zone. Next week maybe I'll go shopping....a girl never has too many shoes!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Letting Go
Letting go is a part of life. You let go of family members and pets who pass on, you let go of things, a car, a job or your favorite shoes that are falling apart but that is what makes them sooo comfortable. People pass in and out of your life, friends, co-workers, neighbors. They are a part of your life then they move on and into someone else's life. But how do you let go of a child who is no longer a child, but a young man who will be graduating from high school in a few months?
I remember thinking when my son was born, now what? Talk about being out of your comfort zone, I was clueless. Here was this little baby completely dependent on me and I had to raise him. Good Lord what have I gotten myself into. Ready or not I had to do it.
Now here I am 18yrs. later, what happened to that little boy who cut off a patch of hair on the top of his head the day before he had his 3rd grade picture taken. I can close my eyes and remember all the school programs, baseball and basketball practices, cub scouts, trips to the zoo and amusement park like it was yesterday. How he would crawl into bed with me, take my hand, hold it to his chest and roll over and go to sleep. It was him and me against the world.
It begins when they start driving and get their own car. Then they turn 18. You lose them to another world, their world. It is hard giving up control. You spend all those years knowing their every move, telling them when to come home and eat, when to go to bed, making sure homework is done. And now I have to learn how to turn loose, to have faith that I have done my job and he will make the right decisions and heed all the warnings I have given him through the years of what can happen to you out there in the world. It's scary, for me anyway, he has all the confidence of a teenage boy. I like the freedom that letting go of being in control of his life gives me.......but.......can I just hold on a ...little longer.......it all went by so fast.
(In the interest of full disclosure......I wrote this while being hopped up on alka seltzer plus because I have a bad cold, so if this was too sentimental..........too bad)
Kathy
I remember thinking when my son was born, now what? Talk about being out of your comfort zone, I was clueless. Here was this little baby completely dependent on me and I had to raise him. Good Lord what have I gotten myself into. Ready or not I had to do it.
Now here I am 18yrs. later, what happened to that little boy who cut off a patch of hair on the top of his head the day before he had his 3rd grade picture taken. I can close my eyes and remember all the school programs, baseball and basketball practices, cub scouts, trips to the zoo and amusement park like it was yesterday. How he would crawl into bed with me, take my hand, hold it to his chest and roll over and go to sleep. It was him and me against the world.
It begins when they start driving and get their own car. Then they turn 18. You lose them to another world, their world. It is hard giving up control. You spend all those years knowing their every move, telling them when to come home and eat, when to go to bed, making sure homework is done. And now I have to learn how to turn loose, to have faith that I have done my job and he will make the right decisions and heed all the warnings I have given him through the years of what can happen to you out there in the world. It's scary, for me anyway, he has all the confidence of a teenage boy. I like the freedom that letting go of being in control of his life gives me.......but.......can I just hold on a ...little longer.......it all went by so fast.
(In the interest of full disclosure......I wrote this while being hopped up on alka seltzer plus because I have a bad cold, so if this was too sentimental..........too bad)
Kathy
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