Why Me?

I had a "system failure" the other day. I was tired, had a busy day at work, I was cold (I'm always cold, my type of weather is summer, 90degrees) and I was hungry. I was at the grocery, doing my usual reading of the labels, checking out the produce, trying to figure out what I wanted to fix for dinner this week. I began thinking how easy it would be to just come in the store, buy some canned goods, instant mashed potatoes, some frozen chicken nuggets, not read any labels, not worry about the plastic bags. I noticed other peoples' grocery carts filled with Little Debbie snack cakes and frozen dinners and they are just breezing through the store. Meanwhile, I'm reading all the labels, buying ingredients to make homemade cookies, getting fresh chicken to make homemade chicken nuggets, looking for the best frozen berries and it seems it takes me forever to do my shopping. Why can't I just throw stuff in my cart and not worry about it? I have to say it was tempting.....for just a few minutes....well maybe more than just a few minutes.

Why me? Why do I care about these things? What makes me think homemade food is better for you, that taking plain greek yogurt and adding my own local honey and fresh berries is healthier, that reusing my bags is the right thing to do?  Why do I think that animals have souls and should be respected whether they are your pet or being raised for food by a farmer who raises them the natural way and not in feedlots? Why do I see beauty and peace in wild spaces and natural settings where other people might see something that needs to be developed into a mall or subdivision? Why me? Why am I different?

What makes anybody believe what they do? Some people might say it is genetics, some say your environment. Or could it be the accumulation of life experiences? I've been this way as long as I can remember and even though I haven't always put it into practice like I'm trying to do now, I can't say what has made me this way.

This is not to say that I won't ever buy a can of corn or some Little Debbie snack cakes, but I will live the 80/20 way. That means I will be good and follow my concious 80% of the time and maybe be a little looser or splurge a little the other 20%. Hopefully, over time, I can make it 90/10.

So.....my little moment of  "system failure" passed and I bought the things that I needed and wanted and felt better for it. Although, I did have my moment of rebellion when I got home, still tired and cold, and I threw my three plastic bags in the garbage instead of cleaning them out to reuse later. I did feel bad about it ....later, but I just needed that right at that moment. But I'm back to my recycling, plastic bag saving, grocery store ways.  It was just a small crisis.

Kathy