Making The Effort

Whether it is skating through your life on auto pilot, or just being stuck in a routine, if you want to change things in your life you have to make an effort. Maybe not flashy changes or changes that move the earth, but small, steady changes can sometimes go a long way and hopefully start a trend towards other changes.

I have always admitted that I am a routine oriented person, change doesn't always come easy for me and can make me uncomfortable. But after raising my son as a single parent, and as he starts college next fall, I want my life to change, expand, grow. I will always be a parent, but my life is becoming my own again and I need to figure out what to do with it.

I'm not talking about major life changes, I am who I am.  Since my son is on the go with friends or at work most of the time, I no longer have to fix dinner every night, but that is even a hard habit for me to break. I only have my own laundry to do nowadays so I do have lots more time for myself, but what to do with it. I do know that I despartely need more fun in my life!! I have friends that I go out with every once in a while, but I really need to make the effort to go out more. I'm not talking about wild night life, but I like to go and listen to some live, local music with one of my good friends, I want to go to a wine tasting at a local shop that is a combination of imported beer and wine store/second hand store/art gallery. I see their posts for wine tasting/art exhibits quite often and want to go, but I never make an effort to call a friend and go. But the next time they have one I am going to make that effort.

I have all kinds of cute clothes, shoes (I love shoes), jewelry, but I tend to wear the same few outfits all the time, put on the same earrings everyday because they are sitting out, and put the same 2 or 3 pairs of shoes on because they are the first ones I see. But you know, when I do make the effort to put some thought into what I put on in the morning, go through my jewelry box and find something different and get those cute summer sandals out, it does make a difference in how I feel and how I carry myself and people notice. I'm just in a rut and I need to make the effort to get out of it.

I need to make the effort to be more outgoing. With my friends and family or people I am acquanted with, I have no problem carrying on a conversation, joking around, giving my opinion. But with people I don't know, I tend to be very quiet. I know that some people may think that I am being standoffish, but it is just that it takes me awhile to get over my shyness with new people.

I have been alone for the last 10 years, which is fine, I put all my effort into raising my son and being there for him. But now I would like to meet someone special, not because I need someone, but because I want someone to share my life with. If I don't, I'm fine with that, but I hope I do.  No, I will not do internet matchmaking, I don't want to meet someone in a nightclub. I want to meet someone the old fashioned way, through friends or family, bump into him at a grocery store or coffee shop, see him across the room at a wine tasting or out walking my dog.  But, there again, I have to make the effort to put myself out there, meet new people, not be shy when talking to new people and open myself up to new adventures. This change will be the hardest one of all.

Wish me luck.


Kathy

Passage

Well, high school graduation is over, done, finito. After 12 years of school, tests, homework, sports, practices, Friday night football games and proms, my son has graduated from high school. Last Friday afternoon as all the graduates marched into the auditorium, I couldn't help but remember all those things. It almost seems like yesterday when he started pre-school and was so shy he wouldn't talk or look at anyone. He even had his friend in class answer for him when the teacher called on him.

I thought about all the basketball, baseball and football practices that I sat through during those school years. Even though I can't say that I miss sitting through those, I remember them fondly and I always loved going to the games. I also recalled all the school programs, plays and Christmas programs during elementary school and how much fun those were.

Then there was the struggle to get him into a "traditional" middle school after his private elementary school closed. We were put on a waiting list and didn't know for sure that he got in until a week before school started. Then there was the worry about starting high school becausse rumor was this school with it's "traditional" program was strict (which is a good thing), high expectations (also a good thing) and LOTS of homework. But it was all good, he did really well and passed with flying colors.

All these things were going through my head as I proudly watched him march up the aisle, of course he was looking up at his friends who had come to cheer him on....with signs....and horns. Boys will be boys.

That evening the school sponsored a lock-in with lots of food, games and prizes, as a alternative to keep everyone safe on graduation night. I really liked that plan because how many times do you hear of tragic accidents happening on that night....far too many.

The rest of the weekend he and his friends traveled from one graduation party to another. I think they realize that some of these people will still be in their lives and some of them they may never see again. One of the students gave a speech at the ceremony and it was very moving. He talked about how they were adults now, no more school uniforms, no more morning announcements or warning bells to get to your seats. No more curfews (the parents in the audience commented with a resounding "I don't think so"). He told them that their passage through life was changing to a new direction now, they had to take control of their future. And the best part of his speech was he told his mom, with a trembling voice, how much he loved her.

So my son will be going to community college and still living at home this fall, but there is a definite shift in our relationship, for the good, but one that is hard for me to come to terms with. Of course he is still under my roof and they will be rules, but I know I have to let him spread his wings, make (most) of his own decisions and be there when he needs my advice, help and support.

This raising kids stuff is hard.......but well worth the trouble.

Kathy

Grandma's Recipe Box

After my grandma passed away some years back, I kept her recipe box, mostly just for sentimental reasons. But also, she use to make this homemade bread that was soo good. It was just a little bit sweet, dense, and was so good with her homemade jelly on it and I just remember loving it. I found the recipe in the box, it was apparently a recipe that she cut out of the newspaper. I haven't tried making it yet, but I am anxious to try it. 

 She had written most of her recipes on index cards with dates and sometimes comments on how good it was or wasn't.  In the back of the small box are blank cards. As I was looking through the box the other day I noticed that in back of the blank cards there were quite a few cards with "household tips" written on them. As I was reading through them, they sounded so quaint and somewhat old fashioned and I loved them. I am going to share some of them with you. You might even learn a thing or two.

Notice the date. I just think that this is so cute. I am going to have to try this tip. Sometimes the old-fashioned remedies are the best.

I'm sure this tip was born from living during the depression, never waste anything. Waste not..want not. I remember when having your rooms wallpapered was the thing to do. Lordy, I remember some of the "floweredy" designs.

I can't imagine how this would "renew" a safety pin, other than to grease it up so it will go in better. But I just thought it was kind of cute.

Not many people have plaster walls anymore except in some older homes. Two of my rooms have plaster walls, so this tip might just come in handy.

I

I'm going to definitly try this, especially when I keep a cut up onion in a plastic bowl overnight. It takes forever to get the onion smell out, so this tip will come in handy.


I hope you have enjoyed these little old school tips from 50 plus years ago. I'll post some more of these tips in the future. I just love them. They really do remind me of my grandma.



RECIPE OF THE DAY:

Here is the bread recipe I was talking about, if you make it let me know how it turns out. I will eventually get around to trying it.

Kathy

5 Things.......That I Believe In

I know I have been MIA for the past week. Between the last days of school and getting ready for my son to graduate from high school, a couple of evening programs at school, a graduation dinner at my brother and sis-in-laws house, I have been stressed out and worn out. But in an exciting kind of way. I have barely had time to get on Facebook and keep up with my scrabble and words with friends games. Things will calm down for a few days until the actual graduation this Friday. More on that later.

5 Things I Believe In.....

1. I believe in good over evil. I know that seems like a simple concept, but really it's not. I have always believed that if you do good, act good, be good, then good will come back to you. But in reality, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you can do all the good in the world and it won't seem to make a bit of difference. Bad things still happen all around you and to you. Bad things, evil things, seem to sometimes happen no matter what you do. But the rub here is that you have to keep trying to be good, because if you know you have done the right thing, you have tried your best, you've done all you can do, then you can truthfully know that you, personally, have conquered evil because you didn't let evil sway you.

2. I believe in miracles. I think there are too many unexplained things that happen to not believe in them. I can say that I have never had a miracle happen to me, but is that true? Every morning when I wake up to a new day, is that a miracle? When I have a near miss driving a car, is that a miracle or just luck? When I return home in the evening, have there been a sequence of small miracles throughout the day that has brought me home safely? It's hard to say, but I do believe miracles, big or small do happen and probably more than we realize.

3. I believe in ghosts. Maybe I have watched too many episodes of Ghosthunter, but I believed in ghosts way before that show was ever on. I have had several things happen to me over the years that I believe were paranormal, small things, but instances that really made me take notice. Whose to say that after your life on earth is over that there is not a way for people to communicate. To me, it isn't too far a stretch. 

4. I believe that one day I will win the lottery. I have always felt that with certainty. Don't ask me why because I have never had much luck in games of chance, but I just know it, as sure as I am sitting here. I have even watched some the those shows that tell what has happened to past lottery winners, people who have spent their money on foolish things, giving money away to every "friend" that has asked for it, made bad investments and ended up bankrupt. So I know that WHEN I win the lottery, I will first change my phone number, get a lawyer and a financial adviser. I want to buy another house, doesn't have to be a mansion, new furniture, get a brand new car. I will pay for my son's college education, help my mom and immediate family members. And the rest will be saved and invested so it will last the rest of my life. Of course, I will quite working!!!! Oh, I will give to some charities that I believe strongly in.

5. I firmly believe that George Clooney and I will someday get married, he just has to find me first. HERE I AM!!!!!



RECIPE OF THE DAY:

I really don't have a recipe but I do have to talk about what I bought at the farmer's market this weekend. I bought the best strawberries in the world. If you think you like strawberries and buy them from the supermarket and think they are good, you have a thing or two to learn. The strawberries at the farmer's market actually smell like strawberries, where the ones in the supermarket don't smell like anything. Strawberry season is almost over but it is worth waiting all year for the next season for the taste of these sweet little treasures. Last week I bought 3qts. I froze half for smoothies later and ate the other half iin two days, there were so good.  This week I did the same things. If you've never bought strawberries from a local farmer you are surely missing somethings.


Kathy

What's Your Cause?

A lot of people feel strongly about different causes. Some people work for veteran's affairs, while others stand up for abused children. Some work for the homeless or MADD, breast cancer, food banks, the handicap and the list goes on. All are very worthy causes and the people who work and volunteer for them are very passionate about what they believe. A lot of times people choose the cause they believe in because of something that has happened to them, their family or someone they know, they feel a personal connection to it.

My cause is animals, stopping the abuse and making people aware of what we as human beings are doing to the different species on this earth before they become extinct. For as long as I can remember I have had an affinity for animals, I love being around them, caring for them, and just sitting on the deck and watching the birds and squirrels and the occasional hawk fly over. A couple of months ago as I was looking out my office window to the wooded area across the street I saw two deer munching on the grass, I LOVED it. I'm always watching nature shows and I am appalled how we treat our pets, our food animals and the wildlife whose habitat we are destroying. This is what I am passionate about.

We got our first dog when I was about 5 yrs. old, and I was hooked from there. As I said, lots of times there is a personal reason that people choose the cause they are interested in. My earliest memory of helping an animal in distress was when I was a child and the people that lived next door to us for a while were in a motorcycle "club" (hmmm) and they had a dog they kept in their garage and rarely fed and took him out with them every so often and then bring him back and put him back in the garage. I use to wait until it was dark and they were gone and I would climb the fence, my mom would dump some tuna fish in my hand and I would stick my hand in the garage and feed the dog. Dangerous, maybe, but I wasn't aware of that at the time, I just had to help him.

I have been feeding strays ever since, lost dogs seem to always just show up on my doorstep. And I am not afraid to say that I have called on people who I have seen were mistreating their animals. I post stories, pictures and videos sometimes on facebook showing some of the incredibly cruel things people can do to animals, I don't post these things all the time, just every now and then. I have a friend at work who after seeing a post like that always asks my why. She says she can't stand to watch that kind of stuff, it's too horrible and sad. My answer is always the same.... people need to know about these things, knowledge is power, otherwise no one pays attention.

So while I am in favor of many other causes out there, animals will always be my passion. What is your passion, what cause is at the top of your list?


Kathy

Motherhood......A Perspective

Motherhood has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world. I know parenting in general, whether it is by a mother or father is hard, but mothers generally have to juggle many more things than just being a parent. Mothers tend to not only be a parent but also may be holding down an outside job. And of course just the parenting part of motherhood tends to entail lots of other "jobs", chef, chauffer, community organizer, nurse, doctor, counselor, jailor, teacher and lots of other "jobs" that may pop up on a daily basis.

My perspective on motherhood comes from the experience of single motherhood. So not only do you have to do a mother's job, but also take on some of the father's duties. It is hard being both mother and father, especially to a son. I hope I have done a good job. I always made sure my son played sports and I was right there going to practices, games, banquets. I went with him to scout meetings, camping, and when he developed an interest in skateboarding, I bought the skateboards and equipment and took him every weekend to the skatepark and sat in the shade so he could skate for a couple of hours. I have taught him how to tie a tie, drive a car and talked to him about drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and the facts of life.

I don't want this to sound like I am bragging, I'm not, for every single parent out there has to do the same thing, it is just a fact. One of my favorite quotes is from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and to paraphrase, she said that "if you mess up raising your children, not much else matters", and I think that is so true.

I never wanted to be a single parent. Growing up all I really ever wanted was to marry, have 4 or 5 kids, and be a stay at home mom, white picket fence and all. Well, I guess it was never meant to be. I thought my son's father and I would stay together and we did for the first 7 or 8yrs. of my son's life. But he had too many of his own problems to deal with and it just was better for me not to expose my child to it anymore. Depending on the circumstances, it is not always better to stay together for the child's sake, there are times that it can do more harm than good and this was such a case. My son was relieved that the chaos was over. His father and I are still friends, but my son has a reserved relationship with him, which is a shame, but his father is still fighting his own demons.

This might me a bit controversial, but I always go with the motto: Trust But Verify. I talked last week about "tweeting". At the time I didn't know my son was on twitter, but I looked him up and he was there, so I read some of his tweets and the mind of an 18yr. old is a confusing thing. Of course he doesn't know I am checking up on him and if I were to find something on there that concerned me, I would just wait a few days and casually bring up something in conversation and feel him out and give some advice without him ever knowing that I saw his tweet. I think I would make a good spy!

But when I checked this morning he had tweeted how being a single parent is a hard job and that he wouldn't be where he was today without his mom and someday he wants to be able to give me everything I ever wanted.  Needless to say I cried, it couldn't have been more perfect, of course, I have to keep that to myself. I love my son more than words can say and, whether by luck or environment, he has grown into a fine young man.

And to my Mom, Happy Mothers Day, you are the best and I love you very much.



RECIPE OF THE DAY

Actually it's not a "recipe" but a way of cooking greens. I don't like the mushy, boiled greens that some people insist on cooking for hours. I like to cook spinach, swiss chard and even kale in a little olive oil on top of the stove in a skillet.  I just heat up the skillet, add some olive oil and add whichever greens you are cooking. Also add a little salt, pepper, garlic and pepper flakes if you are so inclined. Stir to incorporate all the ingredients and cook til wilted. That's all, takes about 10 minutes or so. They taste better and hold on to more of their vitamins when there are not cooked to death.


Happy Mother's Day to all

Kathy

Bible Lessons

When I am at work, I listen to a couple of local talk radio shows, one in the morning, another in the afternoon. I listen partly because I enjoy them, even if I don't always agree and also because I work in a building made of concrete and radio reception is not always easy to pick up.

For the past couple of days the subject has been on a rather divisive issue, with people on both sides very vehement about their opinions. One of the common arguments on one side of the issue is that the Bible preaches against it. And of course the argument on the other side refutes those claims.

So my real question here has nothing to do with the issue being argued but with the interpretation of the Bible and, is it open for interpretation? Many devout Christians live their life according to the words of the Bible. They believe every word is a direct command from God. The Bible is their rule of law, the book that influences their lives, letting them know what is right and what is wrong. They believe that every word is the word of God. Their faith tells them that everything that is written about in the Bible happened exactly like it is written, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Now the other school of thought is that the Bible is more like a guide book, guiding us through the trials and tribulations of our lives. Although the stories in the Bible were written down on paper long after Jesus rose back to heaven, they were written with divine guidance, but they were written by mere men who maybe embellished stories, got some facts wrong, forgot some details. Some people believe the Bible is more like a book of morality tales, giving us the tools to figure out how to do the right thing, but not telling us every move to make. Are the people and stories in the Bible metaphors, giving us clues on the direction we should take our lives?

Maybe it all comes down to faith. Faith is a mysterious thing, it makes you believe in things you've never seen or heard before. It can make you live your life a certain way, and it can be there for you in some of the worse moments of your life. Does your faith tell you that the Bible is a book of laws and rules to be followed precisely to the letter or does your faith tell you the Bible is here to guide you through your life by giving examples of how you should live your life.

Lots of times the people on each side of this arguement cannot see eye to eye, each thinking the other is wrong. Faith and spirituality are very personal things and what you have to ask yourself is, what does the Bible mean to you?


Kathy